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Not to make a perfect world, 
But to find beauty in our flawed one.
Because It makes me feel like a god, 
I can create mountains,
And then destroy them.
I don't like this world,
So I create my own.
Because I want to prove emotions exist,
I want to make people scream, cry, throw things, all because of my words.
On the off chance I can create something just a little more than words on a page.
Because no one really listens,
When I talk.
Because I'm in love with the sound the keys make when you type,
And the way the pencil moves over paper.
Because I want people to care about my characters,
The way I care about theirs.
Because I can't live forever,
But I can create something that will.
But mostly,
Mostly,

Because I want to change the world.
These might not be all of your reasons, but theyre all of mine. Comment and tell me what you think!
Add a Comment:
 
:iconsoricastel:
I'm not too sure about what vision means, but i'm going to go off of how I interpret it. i believe that you've presented your view on writing and literature beautifully. Many people, myself included can definitely relate to what you've written.

For originality, I rank this a 3.5 because I have never seen a piece about this particular topic. But i have seen a few about other things, saying that they're means of escape and about the beauty of creating something. But it did surprise me, so it deserves the extra .5.

I'm not too sure about technique, so i gave a 3.5 to be safe.

Finally, this piece did get me thinking, and i believe it speaks for all writers, so 5 stars. It's a very beautiful piece of literature and definitely paints an image in your head.

This is my first review, so hopefully I did an okay job. :)
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
6 out of 7 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconthebaresheet:
I wanted to do this critique mostly because of this great impact this poem has.

Firstly, this poem gives the audience a very vivid image of "God" and his ability to create in this world. It also paints a realistic picture of the human nature.

Secondly, the use of imagery and repetition is extremely effective. The constant expanding of the original opinion shows the audience a strong message. This compliments my other point, this poem is amazing because of the impact it states.

Yes, life has its downs, nobody is perfect, but we can always choose to look on the brighter side. Overall, this poem gives a realistic description of our current world, presents the author's intense passion for writing and gives hope to readers that there is something noble, boundless in this world, that we should not be hindered from our desires because of the rules the world set for us.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
6 out of 6 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconkrazykitkatlaugh:
krazykitkatlaugh Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This is so beautiful! It's just so perfect and I completely relate!
Reply
:iconbbburn:
Bbburn Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2014
Thank you so much! Hug 
Reply
:iconsisypheheureux24:
Sisypheheureux24 Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2014
I write for the same reasons !! 
I completely agree !! Very beautiful !!!
Reply
:iconbbburn:
Bbburn Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2014
Thank you!
Reply
:iconsoftballlife16:
Softballlife16 Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2014
This is great! Keep doing what your doing!
Reply
:iconbbburn:
Bbburn Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2014
Thank you!
Reply
:iconsoftballlife16:
Softballlife16 Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2014
no problem
Reply
:icontheworldofpoetry:
theworldofpoetry Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2014
These are EXACTLY the same reasons why I write poetry! I have written similar things but I can never really tell the world my love for writing. You did a fantastic job! :)
Reply
:iconbbburn:
Bbburn Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2014
Thank you :) 
Reply
:icontheworldofpoetry:
theworldofpoetry Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2014
Not a problem! :)
Reply
:iconrainpeltkitty:
rainpeltkitty Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This is just beautiful.  
I agree so much.
Reply
:iconbbburn:
Bbburn Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2014
Thank you :)
Reply
:iconrainpeltkitty:
rainpeltkitty Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Welcome :)
Reply
:iconjmelisio:
jmelisio Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014  Hobbyist
I can totally revise myself on this :) well done!
Reply
:iconbbburn:
Bbburn Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014
:D (Big Grin)  Thank you!
Reply
:iconsapphiresaphira:
SapphireSaphira Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:iconclapplz:
Reply
:iconbbburn:
Bbburn Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014
:happybounce:  Thank you!
Reply
:iconwrittenruse:
WrittenRuse Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2014
I love this poem, this describes exactly how I feel when I write. Don't change it, it is a work of art and a piece of gold, and I love it.
Reply
:iconbbburn:
Bbburn Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014
Aw, thank you! And don't worry, I'm not :) 
Reply
:iconwrittenruse:
WrittenRuse Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014
You're welcome. You're so nice~ :)
Reply
:iconbbburn:
Bbburn Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014
Thanks, you're nice too! 
Reply
:iconprecipitous120:
Precipitous120 Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2014
You have totally ruined this poem... even if it is yours I feel you have taken something good, remixed it, and called it your own.

This could be so much better, if you remove yourself from the equation. 

I will let my critique explain, You have talent, or rather the right idea... and like allot of things, you only need an idea, making it Great is only the shell around the message.

Now if you manage to rewrite this, you could actually imprint your idea in peoples heads
Reply
:iconwrittenruse:
WrittenRuse Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2014
I'm very confused on what you're talking about. You say the author "ruined" this poem by adding themselves to the equation, but HUNDREDS of poems do that. I do that, because I like to use poetry to talk about how I feel, I use it as a way to get through the hard times and commemorate the good. Since I can't find your critique, I may be misunderstanding you, so if you could please explain what you meant, I'd be grateful.
Reply
:iconprecipitous120:
Precipitous120 Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014
poetry is meant to be universal... not in the sense that anyone can understand it, but in the sense that the reader feels you are talking about them... not about you.

Even if you replace and I with something else, it still feels like you wrote the poetry for your self... but now it can be enjoyed by everyone, because they do not feel you are just talking about yourself
Reply
:iconwrittenruse:
WrittenRuse Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014
I beg to respectfully disagree. Poetry can be anything you want it to be. It's your job to express yourself through it, not make it so others can connect with you by writing something else. And I felt like I could connect with this poem perfectly, because I payed attention to the details that were described and not the simple fact that this person was talking about themselves. I can see where you're coming from, but I believe that method is more of a betrayal to the art than what you first claimed, as in altering the poem it no longer came solely from your heart, and you end up pleasing others more than you please yourself.
Reply
:iconprecipitous120:
Precipitous120 Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014
Not so... I often find that reading poetry like this annoys me, because it creates the illusion that she/he is excluding me from the story.

When I write, I think only of myself, but I write in a way that all can see what I feel through what they feel in turn through my words...

I agree with you... some methods do destroy what is Poetry... but, some do not.

You seem like an interesting person... is it ok if I poke around your page?
Reply
:iconwrittenruse:
WrittenRuse Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014
Well, if that is your view, I respect it. However I do not see that as being the point of poetry at all. Like I said, I don't like to feel like I'm obligated to make it so that people can relate to my work. If they do, awesome. If they don't, that's fine too. But I do think it's really harsh and, if i may be frank, a bit rude to tell someone they ruined a poem (that they wrote) just because it's in a style not to your liking.

Of course! Look at anything you like. :)
Reply
:iconprecipitous120:
Precipitous120 Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014
Fair enough...still hate it, but like you said, look at anything I like... I'll try in future to only comment on things I like... I write poetry too... =( , maybe I'm just a little jealous
Reply
:iconwrittenruse:
WrittenRuse Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014
Okay, but tred carefully, my poetry topics tend to flip-flop.

I've checked out a few of your poems, and I really like them. I know how you feel, mine don't really get that much attention either. But don't be jealous! You are a good writer, too! :)
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconbbburn:
Bbburn Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2014
I'm sorry you feel that way, but I like my poem, and I understand what you're saying, but I don't really want to change it. I'll try to remember what you're saying in the future though. 
Reply
:iconprecipitous120:
Precipitous120 Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2014
thanks, I know it's hard to receive any critique, I even get a stiff faced snarl every time someone says my work isn't perfect... even though I believe you can only gain from stern faced negativity...

Your the bigger person, even if I'm totally wrong
Reply
:iconomeow02:
omeow02 Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014  Student General Artist
This in itself is great writing! And it talks about how writing is great! How perfect. :3
Reply
:iconbbburn:
Bbburn Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014
Thank you :) 
Reply
:iconomeow02:
omeow02 Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2014  Student General Artist
You're welcome. :3
Reply
:iconvalshe43:
Valshe43 Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014
hey you know what? That was perfect, really, I like it very much!
Reply
:iconbbburn:
Bbburn Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014
Thank you! I truly appreciate it!
Reply
:iconvalshe43:
Valshe43 Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014
No need! Really!
Reply
:iconiceangel1234:
IceAngel1234 Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
That's why I write too ^^ WEll some of them..
Reply
:iconbbburn:
Bbburn Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014
There's always other reasons, of course, but these are some of my own main few.
Reply
:iconiceangel1234:
IceAngel1234 Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You're genius. I forgot to say that haha.
Reply
:iconbbburn:
Bbburn Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014
Aw, thank you! that means so much!
Reply
:iconiceangel1234:
IceAngel1234 Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
xD Aw no problem!~
Reply
:iconbabypikachu:
BabyPikaChu Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Amazing! It expresses exactly how an author feels. You did an amazing job on this! Keep it up1
Reply
:iconbbburn:
Bbburn Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014
Thank you!
Reply
:iconbabypikachu:
BabyPikaChu Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You are welcome ^^
Reply
:icondessadawnherman:
dessadawnherman Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
p.s. this flawed, yet beautiful world IS full of contradictions~ 
Reply
:iconbbburn:
Bbburn Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014
It is, isn't it. 
Reply
:icondessadawnherman:
dessadawnherman Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
..."Because I'm in love with the sound the keys make when you type,
And the way the pencil moves over paper.
Because I want people to care about my characters,
The way I care about theirs."

your expression over-flows with stark honesty.  I felt myself in this write, and others. very, very good!!!
Reply
:iconbbburn:
Bbburn Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014
Thank you so much!
Reply
:icontehangelscry:
TehAngelsCry Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014  Professional Interface Designer
I feel like it's a little contradictory. In the first line you say:

"Not to make a perfect world,
but to find beauty in our flawed one."

And then further down you say: 

"I can create mountain,
And then destroy them.
I don't like this world, 
So I create my own."

Which all contradicts your first line saying that you're not making a perfect world.
Reply
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March 23, 2014
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